Christianity Stinks Today

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If you’ve experienced a spiritual conversion than you know what I mean when I say that it’s nearly impossible to contain your enthusiasm for God.  You want to tell the entire world about your new found joy.  Well, not surprisingly, when you’re equally converted but you feel a spiritual slump, you don’t want to share it with others.  You don’t want to tell everyone about the lull.  Why would you?  That’s not a good testimony of God’s amazing grace, is it? 

Well, today I’ve decided that if God intended Christianity to be all marshmallows and bunnies (yeah, I said it, marshmallows and bunnies) than we’d all be perfectly happy all of our days.  And as we know, this isn’t the case.   So today, I’m going to share the truth about Christianity; it’s not always a walk in the park.  I’ll even go as far as to say that today it stinks.  It stinks because I don’t have the desire to read ScriptureI find no comfort in my prayers.  I don’t want to love my neighbor; actually my neighbor annoys me.  I feel spiritually dull.  Absent from God.  I want to feel that rest, but I’m restless.  I want to feel that joy, but I’m not joy filled.  Actually, today I want to throw in the towel and try things my way.  And not because something bad happened in my life that's left me feeling discouraged, I just don't feel like being Christian today.  I have no such life catastrophe to blame this on.  I'd like to justify my feelings, but my life is pretty good. I admit, I just don't like being a Christian today, for no real apparent reason.

I want to revert back to old Jessica and do the things that old Jessica would normally do on a day like today where she lacked inspiration.  I want to overeat today.  I want to smoke today.  I’d like to drink some wine and park it in front of the boob tube.  I’d like to take the focus off me and maybe talk about someone else’s short-comings today, and then disguise my ill intended gossip as me “just wanting the best for them.”  But you know what I’m going to do instead?  I’m going trust Him.  I’m going to muscle through it.  Read the Bible even when it seems like It’s just a bunch of thee’s and thou’s.  I’m going to pray and let God know I’m not that into Him today but I truly want to be.  I’m going to just be silent if I don’t have something nice to say.  And I’m going to commit myself to obedience today, even though I don’t feel like it.  But you know what?  That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Loving Father in Heaven, I don’t really feel like being a Christian today.  I don’t want to walk in Your ways, but I want to want to.  Father, I will cling to Your Son today and I ask for Your strength so that I will be able to avoid temptation and sin at all costs.  I hope that’s enough for You today because apparently that’s all I seem to have to offer.  In Jesus name, Amen.

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7 Comments

  • Scott

    Scott November 20, 2010

    1Peter 5:6-11 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:  (7)  Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 

    (8)  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:  (9)  Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. 

    (10)  But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. 

    (11)  To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

  • Scott

    Scott November 20, 2010

    Marshmallows and bunnies go very well together…they are called Peeps!

  • Zee

    Zee November 21, 2010

    thanks for sharing because it means that i am not the only one who feels this way… in a way, it’s oddly comforting.

    heh, i wouldn’t want Christianity to be marshmallows and bunnies (thank God it isn’t), but it certainly stinks when you know that it’s good for you and that you usually like it, yet right now you don’t want anything…

    joining you in prayer.

  • Maureen

    Maureen November 21, 2010

    Well said, Jessica and so true!

  • dan

    dan November 22, 2010

    Thanks so much for the honesty - my wife and I clearly understand the underlying emotions in your post.  There are many days when you don’t feel the connection to God, and you’re going through the motions but your heart isn’t in it.  I wish more people had the courage to say what they really feel - thanks for sharing.  Our prayers are with you…

  • Jessica

    Jessica November 29, 2010

    Thanks for the comments guys!

    Scott-ha, I never realized I really did describe Easter peeps:)

    I feel so much better.  I hoped I didn’t give Christianity a bad name in this post, but it’s hard when days like this come on me because I don’t expect them and it feels God is so far off even when intellectually I know this isn’t the case.  Thanks for the encouragement!

  • Andrea

    Andrea November 30, 2010

    Thank you Jessical I am currently attending LIFE (The Lay Institute for Evangelism) (an Adventist Bible/Evangelism college… and I encounter this feeling every once in a while. It is a VERY difficult feeling to have here, due to the fact that I am surrounded by believers, Bibles, Christian lifestyles, loving worship services, and the like. Sometimes I think to myself, it was so much easier at UW-Madison listening to whatever I wanted, going out with my friends, and pursuing the glamorous lifestyle of sports broadcasting.
    Your post inspired me because I now realize that having those feelings are not when God is farthest from you, it is when He is teaching and molding you. When the devil throws those thoughts at us, God’s powerful angels go into overdrive, and after they successfully pull us from his hold, we are closer to God than before.
    Cast your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
    You’re in my prayers!

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